Way Back When

November 10, 2008
I've been going back through my life, looking at where I once was to where I am today. It is amazing what you can learn about yourself when you revisit the past and take a walk down memory lane. For me, taking a walk down memory lane has actually opened my eyes to a lot of things about myself that I didn't see before. For a long time, after I left home at 17 to escape the abuse, I really didn't want to own up to what had happened to me. I admit that for a long time I lived in denial as I tried to run away from the problems in my life. I didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I went through so much abuse. So I didn't allow myself to heal right away because I was still trying to cover the pain and keep it all hidden from the rest of the world. Soon, I found myself using methods to block out those memories that ended up being harmful and self destructive. I began to lose my will to live and every day was a constant battle just to stay alive. Thankfully, I am now on the right track as I have taken my life back. The areas that I need healing I am focusing on and taking the steps I need to take to get the help I need. I'm not living my life in denial anymore and I'm not pretending that nothing ever happened. The truth is I did go through a lot of abuse and that is a part of my history that will always be there but I refuse to repeat that history. Now that I have broken my silence and have discovered my voice, I can allow myself to begin healing. I'm learning to love myself again which is an area I do struggle with. I know I'm not the same girl I was back in those days but I also know that while I have grown as a person, I have a lot of growing still to do. I just take life one step at a time, one day at a time. Instead of running away from my problems, I now face them head on. I refuse to cover up what happened and I refuse to hide the truth. For me the best choice I could have made is speaking out and sharing my story as I let my voice be heard.

Way Back When by Jenna Kandyce Linch

Looking back on my life I've seen how much I've grown
Back then though, I struggled through tough times on my own.
It was a different story when I started out
I had no idea what my life would turn out to be about.

Growing up, I was this kid who was always scared
To everyone else I constantly got compared.
My parents really didn't take much time to be around
Staying to myself, I blended in with the background.

In my broken home, love was never expressed
Emotions and feelings were always repressed.
As a kid, I witnessed so much anger and hate
Often I wondered what would be my fate.

Hearing negative remarks, I felt the sting of rejection
From the abuse I had no protection.
In my life they absolutely showed no interest
With all the violence at home, I couldn't stay focused.

Having no place to go, I only had myself to depend ..ling my life, I became their pawn.
I watched my dreams and goals slip out of sight
Soon I struggled to even see the light.

After I left, I still lived in denial
Not wanting to own up to the abuse that was hurtful.
For awhile I didn't want to admit that what happened was real
So I still had yet to allow myself to begin to heal.

To block out memories, I used methods that were self destructive
The more I tried to cover the pain, the more I lost my will to live.
Everything about my life I questioned
Under all the strain I felt burdened.

Attempting to run away, my problems I refused to face
I thought if I told my story people would see me as a disgrace.
Deep inside, I knew I couldn't continue traveling down this road
Because to a dead end it would lead if I followed.

Making the decision to let myself heal, I got my life on track
The first step I took was taking my life back.
On the areas I needed healing I concentrated
My life I learned not to take for granted.

Even now, I am still discovering my voice
But speaking out has been for me the best choice.
Everything in my life I didn't lose
Following my heart, I stand strong in my views and values.

There are days that within myself a battle I fight
Believing in myself, though, I know it will be all right.
No more do I hide behind my fear
I've broken my silence and now my voice I want others to hear.

From victim to survivor, I made a major breakthrough
Although I've come a long way, I have more growing to do.
After losing myself for so long, I'm learning to love myself again
Because I know I'm not the same girl from way back when.

Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

Unspoken Thoughts

November 10, 2008
This is something I wrote for my dad. Although I'm an adult now and on my own, I still feel the effects of the abuse I went through in my childhood. I've struggled with anger issues due to the events from the past. I've battled anxiety attacks, flashbacks, self infliction, among other things because of the scars I bear from those days. The hardest thing for me to do was to learn to forgive my father for what he did. It ...
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Time To Go My Own Way

November 10, 2008
I am finding myself really expressing my emotions through poetry lately. I guess that's better than having writer's block :). I wrote this as a way of saying goodbye to my childhood and my marriage. Awhile back, I did try to get my family back together. I tried to stay on speaking terms with my parents, but unfortunately, they did not want to put any effort into getting the family back together. In fact, they refused to allow my brother to go home a few years ago for Christmas when he took th...
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Sisters In The Fight

November 10, 2008
So it seems to me that other survivors want to make surviving a competiton, compare stories and even compare the work they do as well as attempt to analyze other survivors and tell them how they should live and heal. Well, I think I've been silent long enough on my thoughts about all that. First, just because people don't cry about what they went through does not mean that they don't feel the pain from their past. Every...
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Outside Looking In: Seeing The Whole Picture

November 10, 2008
When it comes to my life, I know that I have so much to learn still. One of the things that I was recently asked by a friend was why am I so angry all the time? I think that question really made me step back and start to re examine my life. It just really struck close to home when I was asked that. I guess for a long time I didn't want to admit that I had been abused or that I had endured so much pain in my life. Because my father would never allow me to express emotions or feelings, I pushed...
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Letters From Survivors Book Project Update

November 10, 2008

Letters From Survivors Book Project Update

Hey guys,

I know it's been awhile since I mentioned anything about the book project I am doing, Letters From Survivors. For those of you who are new to R.A.M.'s site, awhile ago I had posted something about survivors writing letters to themselves, to their abusers, or to other survivors. I know that it was very helpful f...
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Working Behind The Scenes: The UnSung Heroes In Our Lives

November 10, 2008
When we think of role models and heroes, we often think of those who are out there in the spotlight, making a difference. Sometimes we name those leaders throughout the centuries who have paved the way for us and left their footprints on society. Regardless, we seem to always take note and pay the most attention to people who have made a name for themselves and are doing great things in life. However, there are many heroes who never get recognized for the work that they do and who work behind...
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The Most Precious Gift

November 10, 2008
This poem is to celebrate all my survivor friends who have made a difference in my life and have touched the lives of so many out there with their compassionate and caring nature. This goes out to the Rising Above Magazine staff, my wonderful staff made up of 8 beautiful individuals; to my brother Michael who has always been there for me and is my best friend; to Delilah who is not only my brother's girlfriend but also a close friend of mine and one of the sweetest people I know; to Rebecca w...
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Million Survivor March Hosted by Sharon Nichols

November 10, 2008
This is a repost for my friend Sharon Nichols and her assistant, Anita Boutwell, who are heading up the Million Survivor March. For more information on the March and how you can help get involved and volunteer, visit their official website at www.milliionsurvivormarch.com. You can also add them on MySpace at www.myspace.com/mssharonn. This is a great opportunity to help make a difference and help protect our children from abuse, keeping them safe from harm. I know that they are still in need ...
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Can You Hear Me

November 10, 2008
This poem was actually inspired by the song Both Sides Of The Story by Phil Collins. I was listening to the song earlier and thinking about how people don't often hear both sides of the story. Instead, they seem to make their own assumptions, hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe about someone without hearing them out and letting them have a chance to speak. I know that even on here, when I share my own story of survival, people don't always hear or read what I am...
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About Me

Jenna Kandyce Linch I love to write and this is my blog where I write about issues that we survivors face on a daily basis as well as my own personal experiences that I have been through in my life. I find writing to be good therapy for me because it allows me to release all those feelings and emotions I have kept locked inside for years. These are my messages to inspire and encourage other victims and survivors out there to let them know they are not alone.