blog

Way Back When

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:07:25 +0100

I've been going back through my life, looking at where I once was to where I am today. It is amazing what you can learn about yourself when you revisit the past and take a walk down memory lane. For me, taking a walk down memory lane has actually opened my eyes to a lot of things about myself that I didn't see before. For a long time, after I left home at 17 to escape the abuse, I really didn't want to own up to what had happened to me. I admit that for a long time I lived in denial as I tried to run away from the problems in my life. I didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I went through so much abuse. So I didn't allow myself to heal right away because I was still trying to cover the pain and keep it all hidden from the rest of the world. Soon, I found myself using methods to block out those memories that ended up being harmful and self destructive. I began to lose my will to live and every day was a constant battle just to stay alive. Thankfully, I am now on the right track as I have taken my life back. The areas that I need healing I am focusing on and taking the steps I need to take to get the help I need. I'm not living my life in denial anymore and I'm not pretending that nothing ever happened. The truth is I did go through a lot of abuse and that is a part of my history that will always be there but I refuse to repeat that history. Now that I have broken my silence and have discovered my voice, I can allow myself to begin healing. I'm learning to love myself again which is an area I do struggle with. I know I'm not the same girl I was back in those days but I also know that while I have grown as a person, I have a lot of growing still to do. I just take life one step at a time, one day at a time. Instead of running away from my problems, I now face them head on. I refuse to cover up what happened and I refuse to hide the truth. For me the best choice I could have made is speaking out and sharing my story as I let my voice be heard.

Way Back When by Jenna Kandyce Linch

Looking back on my life I've seen how much I've grown
Back then though, I struggled through tough times on my own.
It was a different story when I started out
I had no idea what my life would turn out to be about.

Growing up, I was this kid who was always scared
To everyone else I constantly got compared.
My parents really didn't take much time to be around
Staying to myself, I blended in with the background.

In my broken home, love was never expressed
Emotions and feelings were always repressed.
As a kid, I witnessed so much anger and hate
Often I wondered what would be my fate.

Hearing negative remarks, I felt the sting of rejection
From the abuse I had no protection.
In my life they absolutely showed no interest
With all the violence at home, I couldn't stay focused.

Having no place to go, I only had myself to depend ..ling my life, I became their pawn.
I watched my dreams and goals slip out of sight
Soon I struggled to even see the light.

After I left, I still lived in denial
Not wanting to own up to the abuse that was hurtful.
For awhile I didn't want to admit that what happened was real
So I still had yet to allow myself to begin to heal.

To block out memories, I used methods that were self destructive
The more I tried to cover the pain, the more I lost my will to live.
Everything about my life I questioned
Under all the strain I felt burdened.

Attempting to run away, my problems I refused to face
I thought if I told my story people would see me as a disgrace.
Deep inside, I knew I couldn't continue traveling down this road
Because to a dead end it would lead if I followed.

Making the decision to let myself heal, I got my life on track
The first step I took was taking my life back.
On the areas I needed healing I concentrated
My life I learned not to take for granted.

Even now, I am still discovering my voice
But speaking out has been for me the best choice.
Everything in my life I didn't lose
Following my heart, I stand strong in my views and values.

There are days that within myself a battle I fight
Believing in myself, though, I know it will be all right.
No more do I hide behind my fear
I've broken my silence and now my voice I want others to hear.

From victim to survivor, I made a major breakthrough
Although I've come a long way, I have more growing to do.
After losing myself for so long, I'm learning to love myself again
Because I know I'm not the same girl from way back when.

Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

Unspoken Thoughts

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:06:11 +0100

This is something I wrote for my dad. Although I'm an adult now and on my own, I still feel the effects of the abuse I went through in my childhood. I've struggled with anger issues due to the events from the past. I've battled anxiety attacks, flashbacks, self infliction, among other things because of the scars I bear from those days. The hardest thing for me to do was to learn to forgive my father for what he did. It took me awhile to fully forgive him but I had to let go of the hate in order to move on with my life. I won't ever forget what he put me through, but I know that I will never be like him. I am not going to become like the person who abused me. I know I can break the cycle and I know I have the power within me to break that abusive cycle and not repeat history. Every day I find myself healing a little bit more from the past. It's a path of healing that I have chosen for myself as I continue to meet the challenges in life that are thrown my way. As I've said before, I have more growing to do in my life but I am no longer allowing the past to control me or hold me back from living my life now. I made the choice to use my voice and take back control of my own life. With each step I take in life, I learn more about myself and discover what I need to do in order to let myself heal from the wounds of the past. My life is not over; it's just beginning.

Unspoken Thoughts by Jenna Kandyce Linch

So many thoughts of mine have gone unsaid
I still struggle with anger issues after the childhood I led.
The events from back then I don't quite understand
All I know is that being a kid definitely wasn't grand.

Every time you looked at me, I could sense the resentment
Under the ice cold exterior, I wondered where the love went.
Always in your presence strong I tried to appear
Since you said crying was weakness, I shed not one tear.

My own mom I watched you shatter apart
Even though she'd never say it, I know you broke her heart.
You finally wore her down completely under your control
Often I intervened so she wouldn't have to play the victim role.

All those years I wish she would have had the strength to leave you
Because she never deserved the hell you put her through.
Each night I listened to her cry
I could tell she had begun to emotionally die.

To us you became an unrecognizable stranger
Your unresolved issues placed our lives in danger.
By your anger you were totally consumed
If I failed to meet your expectations, you fumed.

For awhile you were the person I feared the most
I found that it was better to stay invisible like a ghost.
Besides the physical abuse, I took your emotional abuse as well
Threatened into silence, I had no one to tell.

I wish I could say that things are now perfect
But from the abuse I still feel every lasting effect.
In time the scars have started to fade
For my freedom, though, so much I had to trade.

I lived a long time in denial
Not wanting to admit that my childhood was a painful trial.
I didn't want to own up to what happened
With all the memories haunting me, it was hard to pretend.

When I thought about what you did, I felt so much rage inside
Because of you, my emotions and feelings I had to hide.
I've battled with trust and abandonment issues from a father who hurt me
Due to your brainwashing, the good in me it's taken awhile for me to see.

As difficult as it was, you I learned to forgive
Letting go of the hate is the only way I can truly live.
How you could hurt your family I'll never know
I do know I won't be like you and your abusive traits I won't show.

In my life I made my choice
I choose to expose the truth by using my voice.
No, the things you put me through I'll never forget
A fighter and survivor, I've shown strength to overcome challenges I met.

Many more obstacles I will have to face
The possibility of a better life I embrace.
How not to be in my own life is the greatest lesson you taught
Saying farewell to the past, it's healing for myself that I've sought.

Unspoken Thoughts Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

Time To Go My Own Way

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:05:06 +0100

I am finding myself really expressing my emotions through poetry lately. I guess that's better than having writer's block :). I wrote this as a way of saying goodbye to my childhood and my marriage. Awhile back, I did try to get my family back together. I tried to stay on speaking terms with my parents, but unfortunately, they did not want to put any effort into getting the family back together. In fact, they refused to allow my brother to go home a few years ago for Christmas when he took the step forward to try to make amends with them. They told him he was not welcomed in their home and claimed they were looking out for the safety of my little sister Mikaila. My brother has never and would never hurt a child in his life. He is definitely not a threat to anyone but my parents continue to judge his lifestyle because he chose to go to a non Christian college and chose to follow his own path in life. They weren't there for me when I was going through tough times in my own life and whenever I would call my parents and talk to my dad, he would always talk about my little sister and not really show an interest in my life. I finally had to come to terms that the family would never get back together again because my parents refuse to accept me and my brother for the adults that we now are. As for my marriage, well that has been something that is taking time for me to recover from. Even though I was in an abusive marriage, I still cared about and loved my husband. I guess when you love someone, it's hard to just let go sometimes. For a long time, I thought I could fix everything and make it right but he let me go without a fight. There was nothing I could do. I know that I have to move on and live my life although I know that for me it will take awhile before I enter the dating scene again. But I am learning that sometimes you do have to say goodbye in order to find your way in life. It's just too bad that my father and husband could never love me and threw me away instead. But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and they certainly didn't destroy me. If it's one thing I don't like, it's people feeling sorry for me and what I went through. I don't want people's sympathy or pity because I have come a long way in my life and overcome obstacles to get here so there's no reason to feel sorry for me. Instead, I'd rather people be happy for me that I have found my voice in life and that I am enjoying a life of freedom that I fought hard for.

Time To Go My Own Way by Jenna Kandyce Linch

It's taken me awhile to see things won't ever be the same
There's no reason to stay when on me you always put the blame.
I've held on for way too long
Now I know that for you I can't continue to be strong.

I can't go back and change how things were
Neither can I erase all the pain I had to weather.
The only regret I have is that I didn't see it long ago
But it's not worth living my life hiding in a shadow.

What else is left to say other than I tried
Pushing myself to be everything you wanted, I nearly died.
The person I am though I shouldn't have to sacrifice
Now as I stand here, I am finally taking my own advice.

I loved you with all I had to love
Yet in your eyes I fell short of being an angel sent from above.
Every time you walked away I felt the rejection
All I ever wanted was your love and affection.

I thought I could fix that which had been broken
Sadly to the truth I awoken.
You refused to put aside differences and compromise
That you weren't willing to let go of the past I began to realize.

I used to wonder where I went wrong
Thinking it was my fault all along.
Those were the lies you wanted me to believe
If you kept me in the dark, great things I wouldn't achieve.

Try to cover up your life, but you are transparent
Justifying your behavior, on me you pass judgment.
In your mind, you still see me as a failure
To your needs though I no longer cater.

Maybe one day you'll see what you missed before it's too late
As for me, my life choices I don't have to contemplate.
I just can't let you hold me back anymore
Because by dwelling on the past, I'll never find my open door.

I guess sometimes you aren't able to make it right
Especially when the other person won't put up a fight.
Only so much could I do on my part
Until I eventually came to terms that with you there wouldn't be a new start.

So this life of pain and drama I'm leaving behind
Sometimes you have to say goodbye in order for your way to find.
I never wanted it to turn out like this
The caring person I knew once upon a time ago I dearly miss.

I'd rather leave now then find myself at the point of no return
Not looking back, this bridge I shall burn.
Listening to my heart instead of my head, a leap of faith I take
No more living a life that is fake.

It's time for me to discover the girl within
Victory from the pain I know I can win.
Let it dawn a brand new day
In this world it's time for me to go my own way.

Time To Go My Own Way Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

Sisters In The Fight

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:04:04 +0100

So it seems to me that other survivors want to make surviving a competiton, compare stories and even compare the work they do as well as attempt to analyze other survivors and tell them how they should live and heal. Well, I think I've been silent long enough on my thoughts about all that. First, just because people don't cry about what they went through does not mean that they don't feel the pain from their past. Everyone deals with pain in their own way. But I am tired of survivors who of all people should be understanding and caring towards each other, comparing stories and saying they had it worse and that me and other survivors didn't have it nearly as bad. How do you know if you had it worse or not? I mean, seriously, how do you know; were you there during the times that other people were going through abuse in their own lives? No! Therefore you have no right to say that to someone! Abuse is abuse and it doesn't matter how long you went through it; it still leaves pain. It's okay to be angry about the things of the past because I deal with anger issues too and it's okay to need to talk about it, but I do not believe it's right to attack and judge someone else, lashing out at them and criticizing their lives because you are still healing from things in your own life. That is wrong! We're here to help each other and reach out to one another, not condemn and judge each other. I know there are different ways to make a difference and no one should make someone else feel that they are not doing enough work to help out. I do think it's good to volunteer and start organizations, etc. but don't force people to feel that they should help out or make them feel that they are not doing enough. Leaders like Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King, Jr. did not have organizations when they did their work. Yeah there are organizations based on their work today but they didn't have those set up when they were speaking out. Years later, they have still left an impact on the world. Also, I know that when reading people's work, you're not always going to like what they write but that doesn't mean you tell them that their stories are whiny and that their work sucks and that they are complaining. Writing for survivors is a form of therapy and allows them to release their feelings and emotions. Look at music. Musicians release their feelings and emotions through their songs. I happen to love the band Linkin Park. Now there are people out there that I'm sure don't like their music and probably find it dark and depressing. However, that is their form of expression and it is their right to express their emotions and feelings in the way that they choose. That doesn't mean you have to sit there and just tell them they suck and all that. We need to start looking at the overall picture and quit tearing each other down! We're all different and we're all finding our own methods to heal and that does not make anyone wrong or right in how they choose to heal in their own lives. I am just so tired of people telling me I need therapy and need counseling because I don't do that to others. I'm not trying to single out people when I say these things, but I just felt it was time for me to break my silence on this because the more I see survivors tearing each other down, making it a competition, telling others they didn't have it as bad and their lives weren't anything compared to theirs, it just really does make me upset. Focus on making a change and helping others, not comparing your story and telling them how to heal.

Sisters In The Fight by Jenna Kandyce Linch

On different paths in life we each travel
A quest to reveal the truth provides our fuel.
We've embarked upon our own healing journey
For the things that we saw and felt others did not see.

Our stories are certainly not the same
Yet from our pain, we could all feel the shame.
Darkness surrounded us day and night
Often we wondered if we'd ever find the light.

None of us thought about what others were going through
We were focused on the abuse in our own lives that we knew.
Escaping our prison became our only concern
Who had it worse than us we didn't have time to discern.

The truth is our stories can never be compared
Because we each suffered pain from the horrors we fared.
What right do we have to tell someone they didn't have it as bad
We may all be survivors, but each of our tales are sad.

That we made it out alive we should be glad
But we shouldn't make being a survivor some sort of fad.
Telling others how they need to heal is not our place
Their own methods let them find and embrace.

Survival is not a competition of who had it worse
The common goal we share is the desire to end this curse.
In all kinds of ways we can each make a difference
So let's put away the condemnation and remove the defense.

It's not about who's doing more
What's important is we find our open door.
Our anger from our pain we should not take out on anyone
Because then we are no better than those who hurt us, making our lives not so fun.

That we're all survivors is our common link
Then why do we allow one another to sink?
No, we're not the same people, but we have the same goal
We want to start a change that will help heal the soul.

Isn't it enough that from the rest of the world our emotions we put aside
From our fellow survivors we shouldn't need to hide.
We don't like others judging us on our past
Let's not do that to each other but create a bond that will last.

There's a world out there crying out in need
How can we save them if we're engrossed and self absorbed in greed.
Each time we tear one another down, more time we waste
We're here to help and reach out, not to criticize and chaste.

On this battlefield we cannot fight alone
We must work together so back together these broken hearts can be sewn.
With open minds, we have to look at the picture overall
Standing together, let's not cause other survivors to fall.

We are who we are
However, we can help others get far.
Side by side, into the darkness we're able to shine our light
When it comes down to it, the connecting thread is that we're all sisters in the fight.

'Sisters In The Fight' Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

Outside Looking In: Seeing The Whole Picture

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:02:55 +0100

When it comes to my life, I know that I have so much to learn still. One of the things that I was recently asked by a friend was why am I so angry all the time? I think that question really made me step back and start to re examine my life. It just really struck close to home when I was asked that. I guess for a long time I didn't want to admit that I had been abused or that I had endured so much pain in my life. Because my father would never allow me to express emotions or feelings, I pushed everything to the side rather than really focusing on the issues in my life that I needed to work on. I just always told myself that I would never be like my father and that I would never hurt anyone the way that he had hurt me. So for awhile, I ignored all the things going on in my life that I needed to deal with. Part of me didn't want to own up to the truth about my past. But after that question, I really found myself taking a step back and looking at my past once again.

The truth is that I have struggled with issues of anger due to the abuse I went through. Due to the pain that my father put me through, I battle trust and abandonment issues. Plenty of times I have just found myself getting angry over things and sadly, I have taken my anger out on friends and people that I care about. Even in my marriage, I did allow my anger to control me and even though he hurt me, I hurt him as well. I've asked myself recently as I have started to look at all the angles of my life why do I get so angry. I get angry because of all the pain I went through and I get angry about all those years I lived in a broken home where I was told that I was nothing but a failure, where I was brainwashed over and over again, where I was physically abused, and where I had to basically raise myself because my parents showed no interest in my life. I also find myself getting angry that someone who should have been there to protect me and cherish me never bothered to show me any love but instead betrayed me and hurt me in so many ways. For a long time, I used that anger to hurt myself. Now, I am finding healthy ways to take the anger out.

Regardless of what people say, I think that it is okay to get angry and have those feelings of anger. However, it's learning to control our anger and not let it control us that we must do. I admit that I used to be the type that would constantly lash out and defend myself when people would say something to me that I didn't agree with it. For survivors, I think that when we lash out like that, it's a defense mechanism that we put up because of the years of having to defend ourselves against our abusers. When I was a kid and I would get in trouble, my father would often interrogate me to find out why I did what I did. He would never take me aside and ask me what was going on or try to find the underlying reason behind the action. Instead he would become cold and harsh, putting me on trial as he brainwashed me telling me he was sure that I didn't mean to be a bad kid. If I didn't answer him right away, he'd demand that I give him an answer and wouldn't just let me walk away. If I didn't have an answer, he then proceeded to make me feel guilty about what I had done and tear me down further. I believe that this has a part to play in why I used to get so upset when people would say negative things about me and send me negative messages, making me feel bad about myself. I lashed out in anger as a way of defending myself since I always had to defend myself in the presence of my father when I was a kid. I'm not making excuses for taking my anger out on other people. Even now, I have to sometimes really read something someone writes to me so I can understand where they are coming from instead of just getting angry and lashing out. I think that when people say something to us that we find condemning and judgmental, our first reaction is to defend ourselves and explain ourselves to others. The thing is that we shouldn't have to explain ourselves to people; we should just be able to live our lives and express our feelings and emotions without having to feel that we must explain our actions all the time and answer to others. We're in control of our own lives. We don't have to answer to those who do not agree with us.

I know that in talking to and networking with survivors, I have had people lash out at me. When they lashed out at me, that triggered me to say something back. Although I don't agree that people should lash out, I have begun to realize that sometimes people lash out in anger as their way of reaching out and needing to vent. It doesn't make it right that they criticize and judge others though but sometimes people do lash out because they are still healing from the pain of their past. They may not exactly know how to express their feelings so they lash out from the hurt they are feeling. When reading notes, I often have to remind myself that people do mean well sometimes even if they come across as being harsh. However, if someone is trying to help you and be there for you, don't take your anger out on them. Don't take your anger out on them from issues you are healing from and dealing with in your own life. When we take our anger out on others like that then we are no better than those who hurt us and abused us in our lives.

Sometimes it's good to step back and re examine our lives. I think what also causes my anger is that I haven't exactly gotten in touch with the little girl within. What I mean by the little girl within is that I believe that due to the abuse from my past, there is a part of me that is still a little girl. One of the things that I used to notice when I suffer from anxiety attacks is that I sometimes did feel like this little lost girl all over again. Yes, I am learning to love myself again but I know that I also need to learn how to love my inner child as well because she too is hurting from not having been shown love in her life. The little girl in me needs to be loved and needs to be cared for. Yes, on the surface I am this strong woman who speaks out. That's the side that people see when they look at me. Underneath the surface though lies a little girl who is hurt, sad, fragile, and at times broken. So when it comes to healing from my past, not only do I heal for myself but I'm also trying to heal the little girl within. I have a teddy bear that I often hug whenever I am sad and going through a tough time. Even when I was younger, I always had a teddy bear that I would hold onto and hug when I heard my parents fighting. The little girl within me identifies with the teddy bear and that is the source of comfort for me when I find myself getting emotional. I've had people tell me that it's silly to have a teddy bear, but you know what, it's not silly to have something like a stuffed animal that is special to us. I think it's good to have something that we can hold onto and identify with when we find ourselves grieving. It allows us to let the tears flow freely and to release our feelings.

The thing with healing is that no one can tell you how you should heal. I've noticed that people love to think that they are certified in telling others how to deal with their pain and how to heal from the past. My form of therapy is to write my feelings out. I have had people tell me that my writing is very depressing, that I come across as whining and that I am nothing but a complainer. Well, when survivors write poetry and write stories, it's not going to always be beautiful and positive because when we write, we are reaching inside ourselves and pulling out all the emotions we have felt from the pain we suffered. Our writing is not meant to always be positive and inspiring. We write for us and writing is our way of expressing those emotions. It's like music. Musicians use their songs to express their emotions. I listen to all types of music but one of the bands that really helped me through tough times, that I found myself relating to is Linkin Park. I am a huge fan of Linkin Park and when it comes to music, I tend to be drawn towards music that I can relate to. Linkin Parks' songs aren't always bright and cheery but the point is that through their music, they are still helping others in life. I've had people tell me to just move on and that writing is not enough for my healing.

That is their opinion though. For me, writing has been my saving grace and I know that if I ever gave it up, I wouldn't have anything to hold onto. Writing my thoughts and feelings creates an outlet for me so that I don't end up hurting myself. Everyone has different healing methods. You may not understand their methods, you may not agree with them, but then again, why are you so concerned with how someone else heals? It is good to care about others and what they go through. However, it isn't your place to try to play counselor all the time and tell them what they should do to heal and how they should live their lives. Just like you cannot tell someone that you had it worse in life than they did. One of the myths that I hear a lot is okay, well, you didn't go through abuse in your marriage or your childhood for as long as I did so therefore I had it so much worse than you. When it comes to abuse, how long you endured the abuse does not matter because it still leaves pain all the same and you still hurt over it. It doesn't matter if it was for 9 months, 9 years, or even 29 years. Abuse always leaves scars behind. Just because you are still healing from things in your own past does not mean that you have the right to condemn and criticize someone else on what they are doing to allow themselves to heal.

When you were going through abuse, did you sit there and think, hmmm, I wonder who has it worse than me and who is going through more pain? I guarantee that was not your thought at the time. You were focusing on the pain that you felt and your only concern was the pain ending and getting out of there. You didn't have time to think about who had it worse than you. You probably weren't even thinking about other kids who were being abused at the same time. When we are going through tough times, our focus is on what we are experiencing and not on what other people are going through. Yes, we are all survivors but our stories are all different. None of us were there to witness the pain that others suffered. So then how can we tell someone else that compared to what we went through, their life was a walk in the park? You cannot say that because you were not there and you did not feel their pain and you did not see what they went through. Survivors should not be comparing stories and the work that they do; being a survivor is not a fad. We were the lucky ones to come out alive because let me tell you, there are many who don't make it out alive and who die at the hands of their abusers. We should be thankful that we were fortunate enough to get out before it was too late.

As survivors, we can do different things to help others. Just like there's no right way or wrong way in healing, there is no right way or wrong way in helping other people and reaching out to them. Some people go on to start their own organizations, some volunteer their time in their local communities, some participate in marches, some sign petitions, some write their life stories and yes writing does count as helping despite what people say, so there are all sorts of ways that you can help. But it's not about who does the most work because helping isn't a competition. Don't make someone feel that they aren't doing enough to help others. Don't pull a guilt trip on others. I believe that any work that someone does to take the time to reach out to someone in need makes a difference and helps to save a life. It could be just simply listening to their story but that still helps. Yes, abuse is something that we all want to see stopped and we're all working towards the goal of putting an end to it and helping those who are trapped in silence. The problem will never be fixed or repaired if we are too busy comparing stories and how much work that we do and making others feel guilty and feel that they aren't doing enough. Abuse is a battle that we will always be fighting against to put an end to. Everyone's voice matters, every story counts, and every bit of work helps to save a life out there. They say that every penny counts; well every voice that speaks out and is heard counts and the more that we speak out, the more of a change we can make.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to see the whole picture. We need to quit focusing on only certain areas and seeing only what we want to see. We're the ones who can relate to and understand other survivors and victims because we're still healing in our lives and we've been there before. To make a difference, though, and to work together and be effective, we must have an open mind. We can't be judging and tearing one another down if we ever expect there to be a change. We all must be willing to do our part, no matter how great or small, to help save those lives that are crying out. We each have our own issues to work through in life. We each have our own struggles we battle every day. We feel anger from what we went through. Well, what better way to release our anger then to use it to put a stop to abuse and do what we can to help others? So next time you find yourself not understanding something, take a step back. Sometimes you can get a better view and perspective about things by standing on the outside looking in. It allows you to see the whole picture and you'd be surprised what you have missed as well as what you will learn when you take those steps back.

Letters From Survivors Book Project Update

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:01:58 +0100

Letters From Survivors Book Project Update

Hey guys,

I know it's been awhile since I mentioned anything about the book project I am doing, Letters From Survivors. For those of you who are new to R.A.M.'s site, awhile ago I had posted something about survivors writing letters to themselves, to their abusers, or to other survivors. I know that it was very helpful for me when I sat down and actually wrote a letter to my abuser although I didn't send it to the person. When you write a letter to yourself, it allows you to see how far you have come in your own life and the victory you have achieved by breaking the chains of your past. When you write one to the person that you hurt you, it lets you release those feelings that have been locked up for years and lets you say what you've always wanted to say and you don't even have to send it to the person either. I find writing letters very therapeutic.

I want to put together a book that is full of letters from different survivors. I know that the holiday season is a busy time of year, and originally I had made the deadline for end of January. But depending on how many letters I get for this project and how many people are interested, I am thinking about extending the deadline to give people time to write the letter and send it in. I am going to extend it until March because I know that with the holiday season here, it is a time to be with family and friends.

You don't have to have been abused to participate in this project. You can be the loved one of someone who has been abused. Poetry can also be submitted for the project as well. Also you may remain anonymous and when writing about the events in the letter, you may change names and events to fictionalize it. You don't have to use real names when writing these letters.

All work will be copyrighted in the book. I will not use any material unless I have permission from the person submitting it. I think this is a great way to share your stories and reach out to other survivors out there as well as letting your voice be heard. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me at jklinch_risingabove@yahoo.com. I just wanted to include the letter that I wrote to my abuser so you guys can get an idea of what I'm talking about:

*I wrote this earlier this year, so I had to go back and change it a little bit since other things have happened since I wrote it. I have to say it was not easy for me to write this letter but it allowed me to get all those things out that I have always wanted to say to my father. I hope that maybe this letter helps others who are still healing too.

Dear Dad,

For a long time I've kept everything locked inside, afraid to say what I feel. I have lived my life in silence, not daring to speak out because I was afraid of you. But now, I am taking that first step to letting my feelings out and releasing everything. It doesn't matter what you have to say for you are no longer in control of my life. I am now taking my life back and breaking my silence. I am no longer going to make excuses or cover for you and the hell you put me through. It's time for me to let you know how I truly feel about what you did to me.

I guess I'll never understand how you could treat me that way. You tried to tell me it was my fault, yet I was just a little girl when all the abuse started. How could a little girl be responsible for ruining her parents' marriage or breaking her own family apart? I know that I made mistakes and wasn't perfect, but you tore me down everyday simply because I did not measure up to your expectations. I did try to be what you wanted me to be, putting on a false act all the time just to make you happy. That failed to work though because no matter what I did, it was never good enough for you. Behind closed doors, you would say how I was a mistake, that I was stupid, retarded, warped, delusional, etc. I was only 11 years old, trying to protect my mother from you, not knowing I would be caught in the midst of your anger and that it would from then on be directed towards me.

You brainwashed me, making me believe that something was truly wrong with me. Because of you, I hated the girl staring back at me in the mirror. Many times I had to repeat out loud that I was a moral failure as you told me that I was evil and that there must be good in me somewhere. I still remember the night you threw me out and locked me out of the house after finding out that I forged a signature on a progress report and that I was dating someone. Did you even wonder why I forged the signature or even why my grades at school were slipping? You never even bothered to ask me about the reason behind my grades failing. Instead, like always, you took your anger out on me, throwing me off the porch, nearly breaking my arm, and shoving me to the ground so many times. Then you decided after that night that I had to go see psychologists so we could get to the bottom of everything and find out the reason why I was such a bad little girl. After all, my behavior and attitude must have something to do with me and not you and what you were putting me through at home.

My grades failed because of everything going on at home. I watched Mom slip into deep depression and cry numerous tears because of you. She fell apart after you allegedly flirted with another woman at work. Ok, so maybe you didn't cheat on her physically, but you were entertaining thoughts with the flirting. I saw how much it crushed Mom after you lost your job due to the woman accusing you falsely of sexual harrasment. Then again, how do I know what really happened since wasn't there and the family is so full of secrets and lies that it's hard to know who and what to trust anymore. I clearly remember all those nights I would lay awake in bed, listening to you and Mom fight behind closed doors. Later, she brainwashed you to the point you wanted to end your own life. I guess maybe it showed you how it felt when you would make me repeat things back to you.

You put so much pressure on me to be someone I wasn't that I fell apart. Even when you knew I was self-inflicting, you did nothing about it. You never questioned why I did it, either. I was trying to release all the emotional pain I had inside me from the abuse you put me through. When the school found out about it and threatened to throw me out, you got mad at me, claiming I was ruining your reputation as a parent. I have news for you. You ruined your own reputation as a parent. Oh, you may have had others fooled by your goody two shoes appearance, but I saw right through you. I know the man that you were. The truth is that you took your anger out on me because there were issues in your own life that you never received help for or healed from. So instead of owning up to them and facing them, you took all of it out on me
to make yourself feel better. The problem was never me. It was always you.

You crushed me in so many ways. You should have been there for me, to love me and protect me since I was suppose to be your little girl. But no, you had to tell me that I didn't deserve hugs, that you couldn't brag about me to your friends because you weren't proud of me, that there was nothing for you to be proud of when it came to me. The only thing you cared about was controlling my life and seeing just how much you could get away with. The times I did try to speak out, you threatened to turn me in for cutting and being suicidal. In fact, you even encouraged me to end my own life saying I would be doing you and Mom both a favor if I killed myself. Then you told me I'd always struggle with thoughts of suicide. I wonder why. Could it be because you stole my childhood from me, that you made me grow up faster then I should have, that you put me down all the time, that you only saw my flaws and imperfections, thus robbing me of my self-esteem as well?

The day I finally left you were yelling at me. You said you'd never be finished yelling at me, that even when you died, you'd still be yelling at me. When my friends came to pick me up, you just watched from inside the house, not daring to come outside. I left to find myelf, to get my life back, little knowing just how much the damage caused by you would affect me. After I left, you cut me off and didn't speak to me for a long time. You only came back in my life when you adopted Mikaila and even then, you resented me for telling one of the adoption agencies the truth about you because I wasn't going to lie for you anymore. Because I lost respect for myself, I went looking for love in the wrong places. I dated around and even thought about going into prostitution because I was at a low point in my life. I tried to commit suicide numerous times, had very bad flashbacks and anxiety attacks, but you didn't know about all of that because you weren't around. You only ever cared about yourself and not about how your children. Your own son you disowned because he decided to go to a regular college and not a Christian one, and because he partied and drank and got tattoos. Sure you may not agree with everything he's doing, but he's your son and how you could treat him like that, I will never understand. You brand him as if he is an outcast and even told me to never speak his name to you. Did you know that he tried to end his life too and started drinking because he tried to get over the things you put him through? Just like I turned to self-infliction to release the pain, he turned to drinking. But you know what, if you'd open your eyes and see the good things he's doing, you would see that he is now getting his life back on track, writing a book, and even getting his college education. He's grown into a strong, courageous young man who is goal-oriented and focused on doing what he has to do to reach his dreams. He's not out partying, he's not out drinking, he's focusing on school and writing. But you let your hate and ignorance blind you from really getting to know what a wonderful man your son has become. It is your own fault and your loss.

When I got married, you weren't there for the wedding. You didn't even seem to care that I got married and you never asked about the guy or even met him. The only thing you told me that day I got married when I was at the courthouse was that I better treat my husband right. Did you know that I married a monster just like you? Mom use to tell me that I would marry someone like you but I never believed it. Then it happened. Her words came true. I married a man who emotionally, physically, and psychologically abused me. His temper was just as bad if not worse then yours. He put me through hell. Suddenly, I felt like a victim all over again after I had worked so hard to break free from the past and heal from what you did to me. He threw things at me, closed me in a closet, taped me cutting myself, tore into me with his cruel words, choked me till I could barely breathe, even left me for his first love that he had been talking to behind my back and lying to me about. So much for having such a decent son-in-law, huh? Instead of like father like son, it was like father like son-in-law. The two men in my life that should have been there for me weren't. You were the two that destroyed me, that broke my heart into pieces and left emotional scars for what you did. You and Mom thought I was just making the abuse up and even to this day, you deny what you put me through, saying I lie about everything. But I know the truth, and I'm using my voice to let it be known. I am no longer pretending that nothing happened, that we were such a happy, perfect family when in fact we were nothing like that.

Thanks to you, those haunting memories replay themselves in my mind day after day. Yes, I do forgive you for what you did to me. However, I'm using my past to help others in life. I have written two books about my past. One is a book about poetry and the other is a story about what I went through in my marriage and childhood. My third book is coming out later this year and I just put together a book of my favorite poems that is just for survivors. Guess you didn't know that I actually inherited your gift of writing. You use to write poems for Mom. I took after you in writing. In fact, I took after you in some ways. I have your intelligence and your ability to analyze people and things. I have your leadership skills, and I have your courage and determination to stand for what is right. Now I am an author writing to help abuse victims and survivors, I have my own website up to reach out to them, people look up to me and respect me. At 23, I have done alot and still have lots left to do in life. I have 3 books out and my writing is opening the doors for me. I'm able to be a voice for those who have gone unheard and encourage, inspire, and motivate them to speak out through my writing. I am working ..ing my own magazine, Rising Above that further reaches out to victims and survivors of abuse. The first issue comes out next month and it's amazing to see the support I've been receiving from other survivors out there. You may not believe in me, but so many others out there do believe in me and the work I am doing. Oh and last year, a local newspaper wrote an article about me and my books. Yet, you are still not proud of me and I doubt you ever will be. Oh and I forgot to mention, I'm going through a divorce right now, too. Yep, the papers just came in and I signed them and filed. It's one hell of a heartache for me to be going through all this but I'm not giving up in life. After that, I am moving somewhere new. I won't make the same mistake Mom made when she chose to stay married to you; I know I deserve better and I will not allow another guy to ever abuse me like you and he did.

I'm doing things on my own since you refuse to be there for me. You'll never know just how many tears I've cried and how many scars I bear from cutting and also from the emotional pain you put me through. You'll never know how much it hurts and how much I battle everyday. But I've come a long way in my life and still have further to go. I'm not giving up. You didn't break me and you didn't destroy me. You only gave me the strength to fight harder to reclaim my life. I'm doing it though. I'm finally speaking out and letting my voice be heard. There is nothing you can do about it. The chains of my past are broken. Sure, I'm still healing but little by little, step by step day by day I am rebuilding my life. I'm never going to be like you. I could never hurt anyone like the way you hurt me, Mom, and Michael. You'll have to answer for all of that one day. I'm stronger then you'll ever know and I'm not that scared little girl I use to be.

So I guess in conclusion, I want to say thank you for you taught me alot of lessons that I've carried in my heart, the most important lesson being that I will never again let any man abuse me or treat me the way you did. I know now that I am something beautiful and special and that none of this was ever my fault. I'm no longer living my life in fear. I know that my future doesn't have to reflect the past and I know that with time, these scars will heal. I'm making the most out of my life and I will continue to keep on fighting and surviving to make it. Maybe one day you will be proud of me, but I guess the most important thing is that I am proud of myself and happy to be who I am, learning to love myself again. I also have so many friends out there who have helped me along the way to get this far and who believe in me. So even though you may not be a part of my life or take interest in it, I am not alone for
I do have loving, caring friends who are always there for me.

The Daughter That You Don't Really Know,

Jenna

Working Behind The Scenes: The UnSung Heroes In Our Lives

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:59:05 +0100

When we think of role models and heroes, we often think of those who are out there in the spotlight, making a difference. Sometimes we name those leaders throughout the centuries who have paved the way for us and left their footprints on society. Regardless, we seem to always take note and pay the most attention to people who have made a name for themselves and are doing great things in life. However, there are many heroes who never get recognized for the work that they do and who work behind the scenes to make this world a brighter place. They are the ones who help others reach their dreams and help them to get into the spotlight. They aren't noticed or recognized because they are overshadowed by those who have made a name for themselves. Everyone knows the big names, but they don't seem to realize that there were people who helped encourage the big names to get where they are.

Whenever I list my heroes and role models, I always name leaders such as Martin Luther King, Jr. or Mother Teresa. Sometimes I say that it is the survivors out there who have overcome obstacles in their lives and have risen above the ashes of their past who have made a huge difference in my life. The truth be told, the biggest inspiration in my life is not someone famous and not someone well known at all. In fact, he is just an everyday person, but to me, he is so much more than just an everyday person. He is not only my best friend in life but he is also the one who saw me through the tough times growing up. This person is none other than my older brother, Michael.

Most siblings growing up are not always that close to each other. So I consider myself blessed to have a brother who was always there for me and who is still there for me today. Like all siblings, we had our little fights and arguments during childhood, but for the most part, my brother was my protector and guardian angel during my rough childhood years. I guess you could say that even starting out in life, we developed a close bond. My parents used to love to tell the story of when our mother brought me home from the hospital. Michael was two and a half years old at the time that I was born. As the story goes, when the car pulled up in the driveway, my brother ran out to the car and peered in the front seat window where our mom sat holding me in her arms. Looking down at me, he exclaimed, "Oh my precious moments!" From then on, the close sister brother friendship remained throughout our childhood and into our adult years.

I honestly don't know what I would have done without Michael. Although our dad never laid a hand on him, I know that our dad put a lot of pressure on him, too. Sadly, when my brother decided to go to a college that he wanted to go to and not the Christian one that our parents wanted him to attend, they chose to disown him and cut him off for good. In 2006, my brother asked me if I would go visit our parents with him so he could try to talk to them and attempt to put things back together. But they made the decision not to accept him because they didn't like his lifestyle and they thought he would be a threat to their newly adopted 1 and a half year old daughter. It really is their loss that they have not gotten to know their son and that they have banned him from their lives. Michael is one of the most selfless, caring people I know and I am not saying that just because he is my brother. He got himself into college and is close to finishing his degree; in fact, he's taking a few certifications to help him out soon. Despite what our parents may think, he is not wasting or throwing his life away. He's been through his share of trials but through it all, he has remained strong, always finding a way to come out on top.

Ok, so let me back up and go back to our childhood. As I said before, Michael was always my protector and guardian angel who watched over me. Sure, I went through that stage where I was the little tag along sister and he didn't want me going everywhere, but we always stood up for each other and had each other's backs. I remember one time when I was at college, this was the time I attended one semester of the same Christian college that our parents wanted him to go to, and some freshman guy was stalking me. Well, my brother came to visit me and I told him what was going on. We were sitting with a group of my friends in the social area that they referred to as The Commons. I saw the guy from across the room staring at me. He went into the bookstore but I told my brother who it was. Michael actually went into the bookstore, went up to the guy, and told him to leave me alone and that if he didn't stay away from me, then he would answer to him. That's my brother, always looking out for his little sister.

When we were younger, it was my brother who would always make sure I left the house when our parents were really fighting and I could hear them getting violent behind closed doors. He didn't want me to be around it, so he would open the front door and gently push me out, telling me to go on a walk. When our dad would tear me down, it was Michael who was there to tell me it wasn't my fault and that I wasn't a bad person. Our parents actually made him get his GED so he could get a job and pay for my education at this private Christian school that they sent me to my freshman and sophomore years of highschool. At the time, my brother was really into running and was an awesome runner. In the town that we had moved from, he had set records in cross country and long distance in track. He made it to the state meets in cross country. He disciplined himself and took care of himself, always pushing himself to be the best. I remember my brother being in the newspaper all the time. Every cross country and track meet he had, I would be there to cheer him on. I even made signs for him and would wait along the trail at certain points to yell for him and encourage him. When I started running cross country in middle school, it was Michael who waited after his meets and cheered for me as I crossed the finish line. He attended all my basketball games and cheered me on, never failing to encourage me.

He could have attended a public highschool when we moved to Florida had our parents not have made him get his GED and start working so he could pay for me to go to that Christian school. His senior year would have been his chance to get noticed in running and get a scholarship. But our parents made him give that up when it shouldn't have been his responsibility to even pay for my highschool education. He never saw any of that money. But he never complained about the sacrifices that he made for me. Even when he went on to college and moved out of the house, he'd call me and send me cards for my birthday and send me cards just to say hi. He was the one who told me to go ahead and move out at 17 because he knew how rough it was at home. When I became a writer and had my first book published, I gave the first copy to my brother. He told me to sign it for him so he could tell his friends, see I really do know her and I really am her brother. He even started bragging to his friends about me and how I had become a published author. Often after fights in my marriage, it was Michael that I would call and talk to for a few hours about what was going on. He would offer me advice and just be there to listen. He was there for me when the news of the divorce came out.

There's never been a time that Michael hasn't been there for me. Sure, paths in our lives have led us different ways, but that doesn't mean we have grown apart. I always know that he is only a phone call or an email away when I need to talk. Even when he's busy, he finds the time to contact me. Our parents don't know what a wonderful person they are missing out on knowing. In the midst of adversity, my brother has made his own way in life, continuing to follow his dreams. When I look at him, I see someone who is filled with so much courage, determination, and strength. I see a brother who has grown in so many ways over the years and who has a heart full of compassion when it comes to helping others. He is one of those people who would give the shirt off his back to help someone in need. He never asks for anything in return, either. He willingly makes sacrifices in life. When I look at him, I see the one person who has always been there for me, who has never given up on me, and who has never stopped believing in me. I see the best friend who has always loved me for the person that I am and has never judged me for anything. He's been the one to offer me advice and help me to grow as a person too. He is the one who has taught me so many valuable lessons, the one that I share so many fond memories with, and the one who has never stopped caring about me. I see the best friend and brother who has taken me by the hand and opened my eyes to see all the beauty inside me. I see the brother who has encouraged me to pursue my dreams and has stood beside me through every trial I have endured. The one that when I want to give up whispers to me, "Don't give up" as he reminds me of how far I have come in life and how many people I am helping and reaching with the work that I do. For this and so many more reasons, my older brother Michael is my hero in life and my main inspiration in life. Honestly, as I write this, I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, not out of sadness, but from the fact that I have such a caring, understanding, loving brother who has given me a reason to live and has shown me the meaning of life, teaching me that life is definitely worth living.

I think that we all have those unsung heroes in our lives that we can give credit to for helping us along the way. It could be a friend, it could be a relative, it could be a family member, it could be a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or it could even be a complete stranger who just took the time to be there for us and listen to us. Yes, there are those who have achieved great popularity and fame in their lives, but you know, I'm sure that they had someone standing behind them, encouraging them to pursue their dreams and goals. It truly makes a difference when you have someone there that cares about you and loves you, who takes you by the hand when you feel yourself falling, who covers you with their wings and protects you from harm, who shelters you with their love, who walks beside you every step of the way in your journey of life and never once gives up on you no matter what you are going through or facing. These angels unaware are the ones who deserve the recognition and deserve the attention for all the hard work they do in helping us to grow and become better people.

They are the ones who give us that gentle push when we need it, reminding us to never give up in life when we find ourselves getting close to that brink of defeat. They are the ones that always know when something is wrong even when we don't say a word. They just have that way of looking us in the eyes and seeing straight to our hearts and souls. These unsung heroes are the ones that we have come to learn so much from and their lessons of love and compassion we spread to others and pass down to those in our own lives. They are the ones that even when they aren't with us, we can still hear their voices inside our heads and hear them whispering those words of encouragement to us. We carry them with us in our hearts forever for they always have a special place in our hearts since they've played such an important part in our lives. We owe them so much gratitude for the work that they have done.

It is amazing what compassion and love can do to a person and how it can change their life forever. I know that I have achieved so many of my dreams as I am just beginning to really live my life again, but I know that I couldn't have done it without the unsung heroes in my life such as Michael and my late honorary dad (RIP Alan), who always believed in me and helped me see all the good qualities that lay in my heart. Life is empty without friends and loved ones there for us. I won't ever forget the ones who have helped me to achieve my dreams and have stood beside me through everything. To them, I owe so much. It is nice knowing that you have those people there for you who love you and care about you. Make sure you tell the unsung heroes in your life how much you appreciate what they have done for you and how much you love them. If it's one thing that I learned with the passing of my honorary dad, it is that you never know how much time you are going to have with someone. I never could have guessed that the conversation I had with him the night before he went to the hospital would be the very last words I spoke to him. So make sure that you spend time with those unsung heroes in your life and that you let them know how much you love them. It's nice for them to know that the work they are doing has not gone unnoticed and that they have not been taken for granted. Just as we appreciate people telling us how we have made a difference in their lives, our unsung heroes appreciate it when we tell them how they have changed our lives and made a difference.

The Most Precious Gift

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:57:54 +0100

This poem is to celebrate all my survivor friends who have made a difference in my life and have touched the lives of so many out there with their compassionate and caring nature. This goes out to the Rising Above Magazine staff, my wonderful staff made up of 8 beautiful individuals; to my brother Michael who has always been there for me and is my best friend; to Delilah who is not only my brother's girlfriend but also a close friend of mine and one of the sweetest people I know; to Rebecca who I see as my honorary mom; to my friend Sarea who is a very gentle soul; and to all those who have shined their light in my life and helped me to achieve my dreams by believing in me. I just want to say that I love you guys and each of you holds a special place in my heart. So many times, you are the ones who give me the inspiration and motivation to keep going. In you I see so much beauty and grace. You are truly a blessing to all those who are fortunate enough to know you and have you in their lives. I consider myself to be blessed to know such beautiful individuals filled with such love and compassion for others

The Most Precious Gift by Jenna Kandyce Linch

I found myself thinking about the greatest gift one could find
Then your name just happened to enter my mind.
In my life you are the angel sent from above
Showing me the real meaning of love.

Thinking about you, a smile crossed my face
You've touched my heart in many ways with your beauty and grace.
At one point I was close to the brink of defeat
But by chance we had the opportunity to meet.

I can't even begin to tell you how much you've made a difference
There is light and hope in your very presence.
Do you realize how many you inspire
With a compassionate heart, of helping others you never tire.

Broken wings you know how to heal
Your emotions you're not afraid to feel.
Imperfection in others is something you don't see
Looking beyond, you focus on the inner beauty.

Caring and understanding, you refuse to judge based on the past
Instead you work to give hope that people have a future that can last.
When it comes down to it, you're willing to make self sacrifices
Always standing steadfast, you won't back down to peer pressure that entices.

You give people something to believe in
Sending the message that victory in their lives they can win.
Because of you faith once lost gets restored
Is it any wonder by so many you're adored.

Honor and courage through your veins flow
It's determination and strength that in your story show.
Your values you hold close to your heart
Nothing can tear your virtues apart.

To the suffering which goes on you are not blind
Ways to put back the broken pieces you find.
On your own mission of mercy you ask for nothing in return
From you lessons to never give up we can learn.

With love you replace the hate
Taking people's hands, you walk with them through destiny's gate.
You're the comforter in times of sorrow
The guardian angel who helps trapped souls face tomorrow.

Your compassionate nature has no boundaries
Many hurting hearts your love frees.
Expectations for others you don't hold
Gently you bring you the stories in people that have gone untold.

In my life you are truly a hero
You've taught me things I didn't know.
Just like a rose our friendship continues to grow and bloom
Deep within my heart for you there will always be room.

So many reasons why I admire and respect you I could give
Perhaps the most important is you gave me a reason to live.
For the best gift I could keep searching the world through and through
But I all ready found the most precious gift and it's you.

'The Most Precious Gift' Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch

Million Survivor March Hosted by Sharon Nichols

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:56:52 +0100

This is a repost for my friend Sharon Nichols and her assistant, Anita Boutwell, who are heading up the Million Survivor March. For more information on the March and how you can help get involved and volunteer, visit their official website at www.milliionsurvivormarch.com. You can also add them on MySpace at www.myspace.com/mssharonn. This is a great opportunity to help make a difference and help protect our children from abuse, keeping them safe from harm. I know that they are still in need of volunteers for state and county directors as well. This is definitely a cause worth checking out and participating in.

Jenna

_________________________________________________________________

The MARCH

Saturday, June 12, 2010

On the Capital Steps of Our State of _________________

This is a national event, with a rally held in the State Capital of each state, on the same day and time to promote awareness, unite survivors, to strengthen the laws, to strengthen law enforcements' abilities, and to better the health care of survivors of child sexual abuse.

The Million Survivor March is not an actual march, but more like a rally, set up as close to the State's Capital as possible. We will, at a scheduled time, march from our rally location to the steps of our state's capital. We will work with the State as to keeping with the laws and ordinances of such a march and rally. We intend and insist this event to be carried out in a peaceful, respectable and responsible manner.

There will be many informational and professional booths/tents, offering information and assistance for child abuse, child sexual abuse, survivors of child sexual abuse, laws that govern our children's safety against child sexual abuse, and child safety. These booths/tents will be held and sponsored by participating individuals, companies, and organizations of such, to include, but not limited to: Book authors of related topics, law enforcement, any anti-child abuse organization, professionals of counseling, education and law - as related to child abuse and child sexual abuse, and various companies, businesses, and organizations that wish to help promote awareness of child sexual abuse and strengthen our laws to protect our children.

A stage will be set up for guest speakers and live entertainment.

It is planned to have many supporting guest speakers promoting awareness, our strength in numbers, as survivors & supporters, and discussing our avenues to protect our children from pedophiles & increase the health care accessibility for survivors.

We will plan for, if possible, our key note speaker, for each State, to speak from that State's Capital Steps.

We are seeking national and local entertainers & personalities to lead our stage as entertainment and speakers.

We will have refreshments, beverages, and meals, with their booths/tents sponsored by national and local companies & businesses. These booths/tents will be set up and ran by either the sponsoring company, one of our sponsoring organizations, or a group of our own volunteers.

Our mother organization, UNITED SURVIVORS, will have booth/s and or tent/s set up for sale of promotional items and "March" informational kiosks. Here, one can buy t-shirts and other items to support our cause, buy raffle tickets, donate monetarily, sign our registry, sign up to volunteer, place comments and suggestions into our comment box, and sign petitions. We will have, in place, petitions to: improve & enforce the laws that govern our children's safety against child sexual abuse, enhance the funds and means of our law enforcement to better their abilities to enforce these laws and drastically improve the means in which a survivor of child sexual abuse can receive health care for better recovery.

THE MILLION SURVIVOR MARCH is an event & project of and promoted & organized by, 100% volunteer participation from, members of the UNITED SURVIVORS ORGANIZATON. All proceeds of sales and donations go directly to our cause, as stated above.

We, as an organization and members of the same, do not promote or endorse any political or religious parties

Can You Hear Me

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:55:24 +0100

This poem was actually inspired by the song Both Sides Of The Story by Phil Collins. I was listening to the song earlier and thinking about how people don't often hear both sides of the story. Instead, they seem to make their own assumptions, hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe about someone without hearing them out and letting them have a chance to speak. I know that even on here, when I share my own story of survival, people don't always hear or read what I am saying. They read something I write and picking certain parts out, they focus on those and try to judge me on them. There are so many hearts out there that are calling out "Can You Hear Me." Yet people don't hear that call or answer it because they are too busy focusing on a person's flaws and mistakes rather than seeing the beauty underneath and finding out what really happened in their life. How will you ever know the truth and how will you ever be able to fully help someone unless you take the time to hear their side of the story instead of making assumptions based on what you hear from others. We need to answer these lonely hearts' calls, letting them know that yes, we can hear them and that yes we are here to help them make it through those hard times. Otherwise, they will continue to live on in silence, keeping it all locked inside which only hurts more. Sometimes all it takes to save a life is listening to someone share their story.

Can You Hear Me by Jenna Kandyce Linch

She lives her life from day to day
In one place too long she doesn't stay.
Home is not where her heart lies
Forced to make it on her own, she severed the ties.

Not much of her background does she reveal
She figures that to people her story wouldn't appeal.
The less they know the better
From her past she's all ready wearing a scarlet letter.

Avoiding eye contact, she always looks away
Because if asked about herself, she wouldn't know what to say.
Behind a mask, she covers up her fragile side
She's trying to salvage what's left of her pride.

Most of her life she's been told what to do and how to act
Even hearing about the qualities that as a person she lacked.
Pulled in every direction, she was expected to comply
Her own life back she couldn't buy.

People snubbed her for being different
To them though the truth was transparent.
Remarks she heard ware cruel and insensitive
It was tough enough that in a violent home she had to live.

To the life of an outcast she learned to adapt
Between controlling parents and peer abuse, her life was mapped.
In silence the emotional pain she suffered
Her voice continued to go unheard.

A fairytale life she didn't experience
That she lived in a happy, loving family was a false pretense.
Dreams she had were daily shattered
All she knew was how it felt to be physically and emotionally battered.

Every night she wondered if she even had a future
Especially when so many tears replaced laughter.
Finding freedom became her main goal
She longed for the day when once again she would feel whole.

Now she faces the world on her own
Yet for others' actions she still has to atone.
In places her heart is still broken
There are scars that remain from way back then.

Sitting by herself, she watches people pass her by
They don't seem to notice her as she lets out a sigh.
Just like before she's invisible to the world around
Feeling unwanted, she wonders if there's a place where love and hope abound.

She desperately wants to tell someone what she's been through
But after years of locking it inside, it's hard to know what to do.
The issues in her life she can't continue to ignore
There has to be a way to heal and move on to something more.

Taking the first step forward, her efforts get thwarted
Not listening to her, people leave her stranded.
Judgmental, on her a cold shoulder they turn
Her side of the story they don't bother to learn.

Adversity she meets as her story she tries to tell
Once again she finds herself crawling back into a shell.
The last thing she needs is more drama
She's all ready endured so much trauma.

Looking out over the water, she screams silently inside
How much longer will this pain she have to hide.
What people don't know or understand they seem to fear
Making their assumptions, the truth they don't hear.

A stranger walks by but stops in his tracks
Recognizing him as one of her peers from work, she braces for verbal attacks.
Instead, he looks deep into her eyes
Past the scars, he sees the beauty that underneath lies.

He hears her heart's silent cry calling "Can you hear me"
Knowing she's been hurt in life, he only wants her to be happy.
"I can hear you," is the only phrase he speaks
Releasing emotional tears, comfort in his presence she seeks.

'Can You Hear Me' Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch