This is something I wrote for my dad. Although I'm an adult now and on my own, I still feel the effects of the abuse I went through in my childhood. I've struggled with anger issues due to the events from the past. I've battled anxiety attacks, flashbacks, self infliction, among other things because of the scars I bear from those days. The hardest thing for me to do was to learn to forgive my father for what he did. It took me awhile to fully forgive him but I had to let go of the hate in order to move on with my life. I won't ever forget what he put me through, but I know that I will never be like him. I am not going to become like the person who abused me. I know I can break the cycle and I know I have the power within me to break that abusive cycle and not repeat history. Every day I find myself healing a little bit more from the past. It's a path of healing that I have chosen for myself as I continue to meet the challenges in life that are thrown my way. As I've said before, I have more growing to do in my life but I am no longer allowing the past to control me or hold me back from living my life now. I made the choice to use my voice and take back control of my own life. With each step I take in life, I learn more about myself and discover what I need to do in order to let myself heal from the wounds of the past. My life is not over; it's just beginning.



Unspoken Thoughts by Jenna Kandyce Linch

So many thoughts of mine have gone unsaid
I still struggle with anger issues after the childhood I led.
The events from back then I don't quite understand
All I know is that being a kid definitely wasn't grand.

Every time you looked at me, I could sense the resentment
Under the ice cold exterior, I wondered where the love went.
Always in your presence strong I tried to appear
Since you said crying was weakness, I shed not one tear.

My own mom I watched you shatter apart
Even though she'd never say it, I know you broke her heart.
You finally wore her down completely under your control
Often I intervened so she wouldn't have to play the victim role.

All those years I wish she would have had the strength to leave you
Because she never deserved the hell you put her through.
Each night I listened to her cry
I could tell she had begun to emotionally die.

To us you became an unrecognizable stranger
Your unresolved issues placed our lives in danger.
By your anger you were totally consumed
If I failed to meet your expectations, you fumed.

For awhile you were the person I feared the most
I found that it was better to stay invisible like a ghost.
Besides the physical abuse, I took your emotional abuse as well
Threatened into silence, I had no one to tell.

I wish I could say that things are now perfect
But from the abuse I still feel every lasting effect.
In time the scars have started to fade
For my freedom, though, so much I had to trade.

I lived a long time in denial
Not wanting to admit that my childhood was a painful trial.
I didn't want to own up to what happened
With all the memories haunting me, it was hard to pretend.

When I thought about what you did, I felt so much rage inside
Because of you, my emotions and feelings I had to hide.
I've battled with trust and abandonment issues from a father who hurt me
Due to your brainwashing, the good in me it's taken awhile for me to see.

As difficult as it was, you I learned to forgive
Letting go of the hate is the only way I can truly live.
How you could hurt your family I'll never know
I do know I won't be like you and your abusive traits I won't show.

In my life I made my choice
I choose to expose the truth by using my voice.
No, the things you put me through I'll never forget
A fighter and survivor, I've shown strength to overcome challenges I met.

Many more obstacles I will have to face
The possibility of a better life I embrace.
How not to be in my own life is the greatest lesson you taught
Saying farewell to the past, it's healing for myself that I've sought.


Unspoken Thoughts Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch