I've been going back through my life, looking at where I once was to where I am today. It is amazing what you can learn about yourself when you revisit the past and take a walk down memory lane. For me, taking a walk down memory lane has actually opened my eyes to a lot of things about myself that I didn't see before. For a long time, after I left home at 17 to escape the abuse, I really didn't want to own up to what had happened to me. I admit that for a long time I lived in denial as I tried to run away from the problems in my life. I didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I went through so much abuse. So I didn't allow myself to heal right away because I was still trying to cover the pain and keep it all hidden from the rest of the world. Soon, I found myself using methods to block out those memories that ended up being harmful and self destructive. I began to lose my will to live and every day was a constant battle just to stay alive. Thankfully, I am now on the right track as I have taken my life back. The areas that I need healing I am focusing on and taking the steps I need to take to get the help I need. I'm not living my life in denial anymore and I'm not pretending that nothing ever happened. The truth is I did go through a lot of abuse and that is a part of my history that will always be there but I refuse to repeat that history. Now that I have broken my silence and have discovered my voice, I can allow myself to begin healing. I'm learning to love myself again which is an area I do struggle with. I know I'm not the same girl I was back in those days but I also know that while I have grown as a person, I have a lot of growing still to do. I just take life one step at a time, one day at a time. Instead of running away from my problems, I now face them head on. I refuse to cover up what happened and I refuse to hide the truth. For me the best choice I could have made is speaking out and sharing my story as I let my voice be heard.


Way Back When by Jenna Kandyce Linch

Looking back on my life I've seen how much I've grown
Back then though, I struggled through tough times on my own.
It was a different story when I started out
I had no idea what my life would turn out to be about.

Growing up, I was this kid who was always scared
To everyone else I constantly got compared.
My parents really didn't take much time to be around
Staying to myself, I blended in with the background.

In my broken home, love was never expressed
Emotions and feelings were always repressed.
As a kid, I witnessed so much anger and hate
Often I wondered what would be my fate.

Hearing negative remarks, I felt the sting of rejection
From the abuse I had no protection.
In my life they absolutely showed no interest
With all the violence at home, I couldn't stay focused.

Having no place to go, I only had myself to depend ..ling my life, I became their pawn.
I watched my dreams and goals slip out of sight
Soon I struggled to even see the light.

After I left, I still lived in denial
Not wanting to own up to the abuse that was hurtful.
For awhile I didn't want to admit that what happened was real
So I still had yet to allow myself to begin to heal.

To block out memories, I used methods that were self destructive
The more I tried to cover the pain, the more I lost my will to live.
Everything about my life I questioned
Under all the strain I felt burdened.

Attempting to run away, my problems I refused to face
I thought if I told my story people would see me as a disgrace.
Deep inside, I knew I couldn't continue traveling down this road
Because to a dead end it would lead if I followed.

Making the decision to let myself heal, I got my life on track
The first step I took was taking my life back.
On the areas I needed healing I concentrated
My life I learned not to take for granted.

Even now, I am still discovering my voice
But speaking out has been for me the best choice.
Everything in my life I didn't lose
Following my heart, I stand strong in my views and values.

There are days that within myself a battle I fight
Believing in myself, though, I know it will be all right.
No more do I hide behind my fear
I've broken my silence and now my voice I want others to hear.

From victim to survivor, I made a major breakthrough
Although I've come a long way, I have more growing to do.
After losing myself for so long, I'm learning to love myself again
Because I know I'm not the same girl from way back when.


Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch