When I used to hear the phrase, "spreading awareness," I always thought that it had more to do with reciting statistics and facts about abuse. It seemed as if all the awareness sites I visited had less to do with survivors' actual stories and more to do about where to get help, phone numbers to call, listing shelters, and listing statistics and facts regarding abuse. I really did not come across very many sites in which survivors spoke out and shared their experiences and stories with others. Yes, there were a few that did have survivor stories on them, but the majority were just listing resources and facts and statistics. Statistics, facts, and resources are all very important so people know where to go to get help. I think it's great that sites post that information and I know that I certainly wished I would have known about resources and helpful phone numbers and hotlines when I a kid and going through abuse. But I also think that it's very important and just as helpful to share our stories as well with other survivors.



While all the facts, statistics, and resources are vital to getting help when in abusive situations and when healing from the after effects of abuse, I believe that our stories can have an impact on other survivors and victims. The way I see it, anyone can post statistics and facts all day long without ever having experienced abuse. It doesn't take much to post those phone numbers and resources and put them together for others. Don't get me wrong, they do help. But why not combine stories and resources together on sites? That way, survivors and victims not only get information to get the help they need and know where to go, but they also are able to read testimonies and stories from other survivors who have made it out alive and have gone on to better things which gives them hope that they too can survive and have a new start in life. Reading the stories lets them know they are not alone in what they go through and when they read what another survivor has gone through, then they can relate and they have faith that they too can overcome the pain that they have felt for so long and that healing and recovery is possible.


I know that when sharing stories, it is so easy to get all caught up in the comparison game. We read about what someone else has gone through and suddenly, everything we have been through doesn't seem quite as bad. Our stories suddenly don't seem as significant or important as another survivor who suffered and endured more than we did. So then we develop this thinking that surely no one will want to hear our story because in our minds, we think that we haven't gone through really anything and then we start questioning ourselves on whether we are really survivors or not. When I started putting my story out and sharing my experiences with others, I would meet other survivors who would tell me their stories and what they had gone through. Then I would start doubting myself and think that my story was not nearly as important and that I hadn't suffered nearly as much as these other survivors had. But, the thing is that we've all gone through different experiences in our lives. What allows us to share this close bond that we survivors have is that we can all understand and relate to one another when it comes to knowing about the pain and the after effects of abuse.


I know that sometimes people think that age has something to do with one survivor knowing more about life experiences than another survivor. Age has nothing to do with it for age is just merely a number. What we learn in our lives and how we apply it to our lives is what matters. Many people are so caught up on this whole age thing but why? We're all at different healing stages in our lives. I never really understood why some of the older survivors out there would put me down for speaking about the abuse I had been through and sharing my story with others. There were those that would tell me not to use the word survivor; there were those that would tell me that I needed to get over it and quit dwelling on the past; there were those that would tell me I was being negative. But I think I am beginning to see that different times and different eras in life had their own methods of dealing with abuse. I mean, today there are all kinds of resources and more help than there was say back in the 60s. However, the one common thing that I think every generation has experienced and dealt with as survivors is that abuse goes ignored in society and that our stories weren't always believed by those who had not gone through abuse. Times are changing, but I think abuse is one of those things that has always been overlooked and that survivors have always been judged and criticized by others no matter what time we were living in. I am not saying that older survivors have the right to tell younger survivors that they shouldn't share their stories and tell them that they are being too negative when they speak out. Just like younger survivors shouldn't tell older survivors to just get over it and move on either. The point is, that we are all survivors, no matter what our age is, and that if we share our stories with one another, we are able to learn so much from each other since we grew up in different times, come from different backgrounds, and went through different situations. So as survivors, we should be working as a team to help one another out. The older generations can teach the younger generations so that the younger generations are prepared to help out the next generation and so forth. When it comes to healing, no one is right or wrong in what they do to help themselves heal because it is all about what is best for you and what works for you.


Don't compare your story to others and don't feel inferior because it seems that someone has gone through worse than what you went through. It's not about who had it worse in life, though. It is about sharing your story and speaking out to help others that are still trapped in silence and have not found their voices yet or are not ready yet to come forward and talk about what they have endured and suffered. None of us should act superior either when it comes to what we have gone through either. Sharing stories is not about turning it into a game to see who went through the worse abuse. All abuse is bad and it all leaves it's damaging effects behind. But we are not here as survivors to compare different levels of pain. Pain is pain no matter what. Abuse is abuse no matter what. I don't believe that we can ever say we have been in another survivor's shoes because as survivors, the abuse we went through was different and the situations and how we handled them were different as well as the choices we made for ourselves in how we set out to heal from it. We can say, however, that we know what it's like to go through the pain and we know how it feels since we all know too well the pain of abuse and the nightmares it leaves behind. It's just that all our stories are different because we are all different people. None of us are the same so thus no story is exactly alike.


What we should be focusing on is getting out there and reaching out to others who need our help. Our stories send out a very powerful message to those who still find themselves living in darkness. The message we send out when speaking about it is that there is hope for other survivors and victims to make it out alive, too and get a new life. Our testimonies show them that healing can be found. They hear our stories and suddenly, they find a reason to keep holding on in life. Not only that, but it encourages them to get help to get out of their situations and to perhaps break their silence and tell someone about what they are going through so that they are no longer trapped. So our stories provide a light in their lives which guides them to take that step forward and start healing and recovering from the abuse they've been through. It's never too late to get a new life and to start healing. I never had anyone there for me and I never knew about resources out there that helped people going through abuse. You know, it might have made a difference in my life if I had known about the resources and if I had heard someone else share their story about survival. Maybe then I wouldn't have felt like giving up and wanting to end my life so that the pain would go away forever. As it was, because I never knew where to turn to in order to receive help and because I never heard any stories or read any stories from other survivors, I struggled for a long time on my own as I tried to fight my own battles in life. Now, though, I am glad to be one of those survivors who is not afraid to speak out and share my story with others in order to help them out.


You really never know who is listening to your story, who is reading it, and what a difference it is making in a person's life. To you, your story may not seem that important or that significant and you may even wonder who would want to read about your experiences and hear about what you have gone through. Trust me, I thought that way when I first started writing about all the pain I felt from my past. I thought, who on earth could possibly want to read what I have to say since I'm not famous or popular and I'm just an ordinary everyday girl. But, we are not ordinary, everyday survivors because we are doing extraordinary things in our lives. We're extraordinary because we have beaten the odds in our lives that were against us and we've moved on to find a better life for ourselves. We broke the chains of our past when we found the strength within us to escape the situations we were in and escaping is not an easy thing to do either. It takes so much courage and bravery to say, hey I'm leaving, I've had enough of this, and I'd rather make it on my own then keep living a life filled with pain and misery. We knew the risks in breaking those chains and getting out of there, but we took those risks anyways.


Every story is important. Like I said before, you may not think that your story is important, but to someone listening to it or reading it, your story gives them so much hope. They see what you went through and how you got out and it inspires them and motivates them to do the same. So see, your story that you don't think is so important could in fact be saving someone else's life who finds themselves in a dangerous situation. Don't underestimate the power of your story as a survivor. Statistics and facts really only show numbers and are based on numbers. But a story, wow, a story is based on a survivor's actual journey on how they overcame obstacles, escaped from their situation, and kept on fighting to continue on in life and get to a better place. A story shows the courage, determination, and strength that it took to keep surviving and keep on living even after the abuse. That is why I think that stories of survivors are so powerful and can leave such a lasting impact on someone else. By speaking out and sharing your story, you are being that change in the world that others need to see. You are making a huge difference and a positive one, too, by talking about what you've experienced. Everyone out there has a story to tell and every story is very important.