The Girl Within

People give me way too much credit in life and put me up too high. I wrote this so people can see that I am just a girl who is still fighting to survive in life and that I am far from perfect. I struggle with things in my own life every single day due to the pain of my past. I've lost myself before, losing sight of everything that was important to me. I've had my wings shattered, I've endured and suffered things I wish I wouldn't have, I was forced to grow up faster than I ever wanted, I've had my whole world crash around me, I've had friends betray me, and the list goes on. But despite all that, I rose above it and am still rising above. The most important lesson I've learned as I embark on this journey of healing is to love the girl within. I believe that we all have an inner child and I know that mine hurts from the abuse of the past. I had to rid my heart of hate that I had towards myself due to brainwashing and emotional abuse so that love for the girl within I could create. I had to stop focusing on the negative aspects of the life I once had and start looking at the positive things I have going for me and take pleasure in the simple things in life that really make life worth living. Once I took those steps and once I broke my silence, I found freedom that I didn't know before. I am still discovering new things about myself, but I love the woman I am. I'm allowing myself to heal more and more everyday and I'm taking life one step at a time. I believe in all that I am and who I am as well as my dreams and goals. I have surrounded myself with positive friends who love me and accept me for me. True, there are areas such as dating and relationships that I'm not quite ready for and I do have trust issues but I'm working on it and I know that after living a life of abuse those feelings are perfectly normal to have. I'm following my heart and I refuse to give up in life.



The Girl Within by Jenna Kandyce Linch

On the surface I appear to be strong
As if I know exactly where I belong.
People look at me, seeing only what's on the outside
Yet there's so much ore to e on the inside that I hide.

The fragile parts of me I don't always show
I guess the real me it's time for people to know.
Honestly, I am just a girl still fighting to survive
Never taking my life for granted, I consider myself blessed to be alive.

I've witnessed terrible things I wish I wouldn't have seen
Fighting on my own, I had no one on which I could lean.
Throughout my childhood and marriage to the pain of abuse I was exposed
Forced to remain silent, the information was never disclosed.

Into the darkest times of my life I plunged
To the battle of life and death I found myself challenged.
Through physical pain the emotional pain I relieved
Having lost my faith, I watched dreams slip away that I could have achieved.

Within myself I felt empty and hollow
A destructive road I began to follow.
My idea of freedom from the pain was to end it all
Standing on the edge of my life, I braced myself to take the fall.

Not knowing love in my life, I felt I had nothing to live for
Wanting to escape, I thought this was the open door.
Yet deep inside I knew I really didn't want to die
I just couldn't continue to live a lie.

The first step I took was to rid myself of hate
Love for the girl within I had to create.
That also meant learning to forgive those who hurt me
Otherwise the good qualities in my heart my anger wouldn't let me see.

Next, a chance I decided to take on speaking out
This was the only way to start to erase the self doubt.
Using courage and strength, my silence I shattered
Finally sharing my story of the years I was battered.

The best decision I made was to use my voice
Even though at times it can be tough, I don't regret this choice.
I admit there are still some insecurities left behind
But not by who I once was but by who I am now I want to be defined.

Everyday these broken wings continue to heal
The truth about my past I'm not afraid to reveal.
At times I do question what my life is about
Feeling I'm not going anywhere and just stuck in a drought.

From the abuse of my past I still battle anger and rage
So I use writing as my outlet rather then going on a rampage.
When it comes to relationships and dating, I hold back and hesitate
Afraid of being hurt like before, I don't want to be trapped in another abusive fate.

I do have many trust issues
Having been betrayed by those who didn't understand or share my views.
It's hard for me to let people get too near
That they'll judge me on my past and walk away is my fear.

After living a life of abuse I know these things are normal to feel
A part of me is searching for a life that is real.
On this journey of healing, new things about myself I'm discovering
However, my scars I'm not covering.

The scars are a reminder of how far I've made it
Other survivors and victims my story can help benefit.
I won't be afraid of the unknown anymore
As a survivor I have more growing to do but I'm not the victim from before.

Many lessons I have learned along the way
Most importantly, I am proud of the woman I am today.
There are areas in my life I need to work on
But I'll keep on loving the girl within, not letting her fade until she's gone.

'The Girl Within' Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch