f it's one thing that I have struggled with in my own life, it's trusting people and learning to let them near me. I went through a lot of emotional abuse in my childhood and grew up in a family that really did not want me. I could sense it too. Love was not shown in my household nor was affection. My dad would often tell me there was nothing to be proud of me for. If he did give me a hug, he would tell me I didn't deserve it. I know that people think that childhood is only a small portion of our lives, but what takes place in our childhood we often carry with us into our adulthood. Our childhood is the period in our lives that prepares us for becoming adults. Just because child abuse survivors went through the abuse in their childhood doesn't mean that when they reach adulthood they just completely get over it. It doesn't work that way. I still have those memories and I still feel the pain though I am beginning to heal from it. But I think because love was not shown to me in my family, it's hard for me to accept love from people. I know people tell me they are there for me but it's always been tough for me to let anyone near since I've been betrayed by the ones who should have been there for me; they are the ones who hurt me the most. So I've been known to keep people at a distance and just stay more to myself. When I see families who are happy together, when I see couples who are so in love with each other, I can't help but feel a little jealous and envious because they have something that I've never really had in my own life and that is the feeling of love and having someone there who really cares about them. For awhile, I wondered what was missing in my life and now I know that love is what I have been missing in my own life. I believe love and happiness go together and I think both are important to have in life. I'm learning to let my friends close to me and I'm learning who I can trust enough to let near me. It's something I am working on and it all comes with my healing process. But I'm learning who the friends are that I can tear down those walls and remove that emotional blockade when I'm around them. 




Emotional Blockade by Jenna Kandyce Linch


She walks this empty street
Something within her feels incomplete.
What exactly is missing she doesn't know
The void inside her heart has continued to grow.

If she can find answers, perhaps they'll hold the key
Because with all the lies surrounding her, it's hard to see.
Many obstacles have stood in her way
Remaining silent, what she feels she's never been able to say.

All around her people seem so happy and content
Yet she's not even sure for what her life is meant.
As she watches these loving families together, she thinks "I wish that was me"
Seeing how much they care about each other, she feels a hint of jealousy.

In her own life, love was never shown
To her it's an emotion foreign and unknown.
Why her family never wanted her she doesn't understand
Here she is an outcast who was banned.

Their rules she closely followed
Even trying to meet their expectations by sticking to their code.
They must have thought she did something wrong
For they treated her as if she didn't belong.

In their presence, she could've been a ghost
About their kid, you'd never hear them boast.
She knew she was unwanted even at such a young age
Often towards her they directed their rage.

Many nights were spent in tears
Lying awake, she saw all her darkest fears.
She thought of herself as ugly and worthless
The mirror revealed an emotional mess.

Because of her insecurity, she never knew how to let anyone near
Entering adulthood, she still had that nagging fear.
If she allowed anyone close, she was afraid of being betrayed
Not wishing to get hurt again, into the background she let herself fade.

People said they were there for her, but trust didn't come easy
Her fragile, vulnerable side she wouldn't let them see.
Putting up a strong front, those feelings and emotions she locked away
Yet scattered fragments of old memories she saw in her mind each day.

Like a lone wolf she lived a life of solitude
Over the things she went through, though, she'd never brood.
She handled every challenge with dignity and grace
All the while longing for the comfort of a warm, friendly embrace.

Now she finds herself weary from the fight
Very soon day will give way to night.
But she doesn't want to be alone to stumble down this road
She feels herself struggling underneath the weight of her load.

It's time to tear down the walls she's built
Ridding herself of the unnecessary guilt.
A change in her life must be made
Deciding to take a chance on love, she removes the emotional blockade.



'Emotional Blockade' Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch